Snorting, Farting, Scrolling: A Love Story

Modern Romance, Midlife Edition

Ever notice how nobody talks about what love looks like after the cuddling stops?

The truth is, most midlife couples aren’t spooning — they’re snoring, scrolling, sweating, and trying not to elbow each other in the face.

Romance hasn’t disappeared.

It’s just… evolved.

There’s this TikTok making the rounds (credit to @SoCalDad — hero, philosopher, truth-teller), and I’ve never felt more seen in my life. It goes something like this:

“Getting older is realizing no couples actually cuddle while they sleep. They say goodnight, roll over, one snores and farts all night while the other watches TikToks until their eyes burn.”

Go ahead and slap that on a throw pillow, because YES.

When we were young and in love? Cuddling was a nightly ritual. Full-on spooning. Tangle of limbs. That sweet moment when your face was gently tucked under their chin and it all felt so romantic…

…for about eight minutes, until somebody’s arm fell asleep or someone whispered the dreaded, “You’re breathing hot on me.”

Then menopause arrived like a furnace with a grudge.

You think cuddling is hard when someone snores? Try it during a full-body hot flash at 2:47 a.m.

That’s the moment when everything feels like too much. The sheets are too heavy. The room is too warm. The dog is breathing too loud. And God help the man who even thinks about touching you.

Suddenly, you’re a 12-year-old in the back seat again:

“MOM. HE’S TOUCHING ME.”

Except now, you are Mom. And he is your husband. And you are ready to slap his hand off your shoulder like it’s a spider.

Don’t touch me. Don’t even graze me. You are within five feet of me — you are too close.

I want my space, my fan on high, and the freedom to kick off the covers without a discussion.

I know, I know — romance sounds dead. But hear me out.

We’re still saying goodnight. We’re still showing up. We’re still laughing (okay, I’m laughing) at TikToks until my eyes burn while he’s over there sounding like a foghorn in a flannel.

Maybe we don’t cuddle anymore. Maybe the hot flashes have replaced the body heat we used to share.

But we’ve earned this stage. The phase where love means letting each other sleep. Where respect looks like separate blanket zones. Where connection is built, not by touching, but by not touching and surviving the night anyway.

We might not fall asleep in each other’s arms, but through the hot flashes, cold shoulders, noisy nights, and real life — we still show up.

That counts for something.

Even if we do now sleep with a buffer pillow between us and a clothespin on my nose.

Because at the end of the day — and I mean the literal end of the day — maybe love isn’t about spooning through the night.

Maybe it’s about farting freely, scrolling mindlessly, sweating unapologetically, and still unequivocally loving each other in the morning.

🧷 Quote of the Day:

Maybe it’s about farting freely, scrolling mindlessly, sweating unapologetically, and still unequivocally loving each other in the morning.”

📣 Okay, your turn:

Are you in the “don’t breathe near me” era of sleep too? Do you sleep in a cuddle cocoon or have you made peace with separate temperature zones, fan wars, and midnight hot flashes? Drop your bedtime truth in the comments. We’re all friends here.